Today is where my book begins

Friendship is such an amazing relationship in our lives. This group of people who is not related to you by blood but is always ready to give you support whenever you need it. I'm so glad I have found true friendship.

A friend who I haven't known for the longest time but who is so good at understanding me more than myself tells me a fact about myself. A major weakness that I know I have but not wanting to correct it.

I never share. I do share the tangible materials: food, clothes anything but I don't share my feelings. I just can't open up myself. I can be a good listener but that's not enough. Friendship is both ways. You can't give all the time. Sometimes you have to learn to receive.

He said when I am feeling down, I don't have to keep it to myself. Share it! That's what friends are for!
Tell your friends the joys and sorrows that you have. They will be happy to hear from you.

So I have promised to change for a better Kei Ying.

Thank you again Desmond for the chat though you said you did nothing.

This is one of the days that i feel i have to let it out. the feeling is so strong that i have to write it down. Did i have too much drinks or has it been secretaly accumulating for the past four months? I miss my family and friends so much that I wish I could turn back time and go back into the past. The images of happy times just keep popping into my head. Everything seem fne but yet not so fine. Something seem to be missing and i don't know what is that.
I have a landlady who treated me like a daughter but yet she is not a real mother to me. I have a chatty housemate but yet she is not like my sister. I have friends but yet are close like the ones at home.

At this very moment, I wish I am in the bed knowing that when I wake up the next day, I have my nasi lemak waiting for me.

Mother's Day doesn't hold much significane in my life. In fact, I dread it. It means another social family gathering at one of the coffee shops with my mum's group of sisters and cousins. Another chance for the resturants and florists to earn quick bucks on this day.

Yesterday, as I was walking down the streets in Hamilton, I saw dads and children everywhere, busily purchasing flowers, balloons and cards for their mum. Majority of the women on the street was holding a flower and then I think of my Mum. Someone who I have always take for granted.

When I was little, I remember how much I always stick to her. I updated her everything about myself and my friends in school. Sometimes, it annoys my friends because any secrets between us will be reveal to my mum within a few hours.

I'm not sure when it started and why, but I sort of keep things away from her. I remember once she asked why I have not been telling her things. I said there was anything to tell. She must have felt sad.
Gradually, I don't talk to her much and whenever she asked me something, I gave her an irritated reply.
Though I was rude to her, she is always so willing to ignore it and let me be. I felt guilty. This goes on for a couple of years and then I'm not sure what happened again, i starte to open up to her.

This mother has always been so trusting towards me and giving me freedom. Even now that I am going away from home and her, she still give in to what ever I wanted to do in life.

I wish I have been more understanding towards her during the younger days. As of now, I just want to make up and make sure that she felt loved.